Today we are having a very off day. That is actually an understatement. We went to the grocery store, which is always an adventure anyway. But today was off the charts.
1. Maddux "helped" me pick out apples for Breuklyn's lunch and grabbed one from the bottom of the pile which caused an avalanche of Fuji apples right down on top of his head.
2. He then tried to "help" me push the cart, which gave Paizlee the perfect opportunity to kick him in the eye. It is bruising nicely. Those pink flower sandals pack a punch, er, kick.
3. After we recovered from that episode, he tripped over the toe of his shoe in the noodle aisle and launched himself face first into the cart. He was a bloody mess, which he wiped all over my new shirt. He now has a fat lip to match his black eye.
4. A very kind Kroger employee had a bouncy ball (in his pocket?) which he gave to Maddux. This was very kind, but Maddux lost the ball three times as it rolled under aisles and got dropped into a very large display of pork chops. Three-year-old boys and bouncy balls do not make a great match in the middle of a grocery store. This caused lots of drama and tears. Oh, and Paizlee wasn't very happy with her lack of bouncy ball-ness.
5. Maddux started to tease Paizlee on her lack of bouncy ball-ness. He lost the privilege of holding the ball. Paizlee was thrilled. Maddux snatched it back while I was debating on cream cheese flavors. Paizlee was not thrilled. Tears and drama.
6. Another Kroger employee appeared with sugar cookies for Maddux and Paizlee. A gift from heaven. I hid the bouncy ball.
7. While standing in line, the old woman behind me was glaring at me. I was too tired to glare back. Then I realized that she was checking out Maddux's battle wounds. He does look a little trampled. She then had the audacity to ask him, and I quote, "Is your mommy mean to you?" Maddux, sensing the unfairness of his life, looked as sad as possible and said, "Yes. Mommy said no chocolate milk for breakfast." To which I responded, as sarcastically as possible, "Oh, yes. His life is so hard and I am just so mean."
I'm going back to bed.